Portugal and Cristiano

i find reading horoscopes almost fascinating ..to read them is to be knowing the future without living it and perhaps even plan on how and what can be done to prevent events or perhaps even just be that little bit cautious.

some beleive them, other think they are rubbish but in my opnion those who do not beleive in them are being ignorant...to the truth.
those who do not beleive in god. or some kind of eternal power..are also being ignorant. to beleive in something that cannot be seen or felt..is to beleive in ones self.
how are you to beleive you will suceed in life..when you have not suceeded already...beleive in this eternal power and your beleif in anything else. ei sucess shall come naturally...

to beleive in an eternal power is to beleive in the unseen..and so your dreams and aspirations become so much more easier to beleive in ....

there is an increase in ignorance and people are being more and more unaccepting of the facts ,the truth. and off others around them and so the violence, the wars, the hatred and blood shed. theres nothing more to it. Acceptance is the key

...cant wait to get university started and underway.
then again ..i have this deep dark emotion running through me which ceases to stop..................this sense of sadness.
i pretend i dont care and that ive gotton over it..but i havent.
daily life continues but i havent forgotton ..memories of lisbon are killing me from within

..i love things to be planned. i wonder sometimes will i be able to find someone.im talking about a soul mate..who understands me the way i am. this must be the first time im talking about finding someone like this...CR..ha. in my wildest most unbleleivable dreams ..and even then not..

just found out one of my mates from lisbon is getting married. :S ..my ages ..damn. how.can. she.
even the thought suffocates me. eeeekkk.no no no.no way. in hell on a personal level.

:)

dont you just love it when your favourite song comes on the radio or music channel..TERI ORE teri ore teri ore...teri ore teri ore...

went to prizegiving yesterday and felt pretty wierd.and still do. it seemed as though the end of some long journey. it was so long and complicated that only the very recent aspects of it were remebered..
it was sad and at the same time i was feeling happy.
i felt as though i was in some kind of trance, was it really me who had acheived the acheivements for which i was being praised for by others, my teachers...hm
i feel as though im good for nothing and its like...hm. was it really me who did allthat work? was it really me who understood those thoeries.

the wierdest thing was that i was seated in pretty much the same place as where i took my last exam i nthe great hall. and that just..remineded me of so much..the whole exams saga and who and what and why and where all over again. i remebered my revision leave...

Bitter Sweet Moments.

upon returning back home i felt a sense of uncontent so i couldnt go to sleep even though my eyes were so very tired and hurt so very badly. a sense of content uncontent. an empty wholesome feeling...tingling out of happiness today morning i feel proud of myself.

well after months of deliberation yesterday had about an inch of my hair cut..lol
it was one of these thingsi would avoid, but my hair was getting out of control..abit to long. it reached my wait :S

does anyone find eyeliner ticklish? ha. i do and its annoying.ticklish in painfull sensation wise. urgh

well just had a local grocery shop morning with my mother and to complete the trip i did get ot use my umbrella that i was carrying around all throughout my journey due to a moderate shower. its got me wet and im dressed for tonights awards evening at college so had to blow dry the hair again much to my annoyance.

as for university, its getting close, induction.enrolment week and the nerves are building up now. all that confidence suddenly evaporated and im even scared for tonight at awards.

im tired, im really very tired. my eyes hurt alot on a queer sort of way so i gave up on the long hours on the laptop and mobile phone for some days.

well yesterday i was browsing around just looking around at the blog templates and got bit attached to one of them. the current one is really dark and i cant take it anymore!! i really want to change it...but its a bit of a hassle....but i realy want to soo....might go for it..later on.
just loving the whole light water colour effect, i think it reflects alot on my own personality and what i am about, and what i was up to for the last 4 years!!!!

omg this is just heavanly !!! LOL
hes hot.fit and so damn finee. :D
CRISTIANO RONALDO thats why theres love. serious love dear

i just opened the 150 paged document called the AAG. [an architect's goal] and a sudden surge of happiness is gushing out of me.....i was mad...a mad mad mad girl. and his love made me like that. and i love him for that!!! CRistiano. theres love dear theres serious love.

ok so now im exciting myself ,with the largest twist planned for the novel which will take it on a new road altogether and my india experiences nicely configured to be written up.!!!! aaahhahaha im excited/ ...i think as soon as i open the word document it releases some kind of power from within it and captures the writer in me to write write write until...i cannot anymore..and even then write.
and all this excitement is making me dreadfully hungry!

this is what made Year 11 worth studying. the novel worth writing and life worth living.

well im finding it increasingly annoying that as i start my laptop the wireless internet connectivity...basically my router is being a tramp and having problems with the wireless. i dont know whether its the internet provider or the router...

before i hardly thought aobut it. as soon as i saw the desktop i knew i could acess the internet.. now.....grr..i have to make a good few trips back downstairs to sort the router out. and the thing is that i physically cant sort it out, it does it by itself .all hell.

hmm. now the black sari event in edging ever closer and my mother who decided the border to the sari was not good enough has take a mammoth task in the "restoration" of the entire sari!!! so shes doing that..its looking pretty good tohugh so im getting excited to wear it aswell. also because its black and whereas before i was having major tantrums over wearing black im looking foreward to it...probably cus of all the sequins and diamonds and pearls and glitter.!! yipee. ...

and yesterdays 3am i mean this mornings 3am sleep.....gosh i shouldnt have done that. its like having a non alchoholic hangover. ive had a horrid headache and had a short nap too which hasnt fixed anything...

i need to go shoping. new shirt and trousers required for prizegiving which is next thursday..so back to college for the evening! which im also looking foreward to cus college was a good place in the end.

i woke up after a really late night. 5 hours of sleep later i find an email outlining the dire state of the portuguese national team and how ronaldo shouldbe replaced by queresma.
i very much agree to this and also the sacking of mr queiroz, i dont think hes helping out at all.



and yesterday i was watching some music channel ...and came across this starts of stupid and not liking it all that much but i like the chorus so..for that.
for which ever song ...

just loving the bass on my pc speakers /..laptops cant live up to the bass that the amplifier on my pc gives. its amazing. its goes through the entire house! haha..



not into this guy all that much either but one listens ok though..hm

standing at the window, tuned in to cidade fm, lisbon, portugal. i looked out as far as my eye could see at the blueness of the river, the way it sparkled and glimmered. the way the buildings reflected the sunlight, the way the cars crossed the bridge.......july /august 2007/ probably the best six weeks i spent living in lisbon ..and even remebereing it makes my hand shake now out of emotion that threats to spill.

Hoti zara chahat sada hi sarphiri
Aankhon se ho aankhon pe ye jadugari

હોતી ઝારા ચાહત સદા હી સર્ફીરી
આંખો સે હો આંખો પે યે જાદુગરી

as the last few months wore on..

WHY DID YOU DO IT CRISTIANO ?!!!
WHY WHY WHY

today im intent on making this public that im really annoyed, shocked and left absolutely devastated that my role model has made his private life in to a joke!!!

WHY and as it happend i feel as though im drifting further and further away from him.i lived in the shodow of your love but that love seems to have evaporated away in to the air to leave me in the brash light of society...alone and wondering.
feeling like i cannot trust anyone.

my minds saying fuckin' hell why the fuck did you do it, you stupid asshole. has yourm ind been washed, dryed and ironed by the money that i think that you cannt even count up to... it wasnt bloody necessary!!! but its not appropriate language to write and i wouldnt write it ...

somthing amazing about this ...and yet again reminds me of back home. LISBON by night in the bairro.
still discovering though...some how it send me back to my childhood and those market fairs we used to go to..aveiro, nazare, beija and all thos places...good times, old time, beloved time.

im not giving up, im not giving up on love.

nothing else matter, its just the two of us.....
i said im not giving up im not giving up on us....

reminds me of back home , i keep hoping that one day i to can cruise the riverside, the long empty stretches of road in lisbon in some kind of chic convertable sports car with the wind going through my hair, undulating it...i dream of such a day to come.

your eyes have been permanently fixated within the walls of my memory..

i once submerged my heart in the pools of your eyes, its seems to plunge deeper and deeper

yes the content and stability of the heart are forever more removed.