Portugal and Cristiano

I cant believe this anymore, i have real issues.. you can prove, blogging from the smartphone.
Its nearing eleven and im so tired i feel like a wrecked corpse but this tiredness surpasses so i cant even sleep. all i can smell is the polo sport raulph lauren mens perfume i sprayed on this evening. bad decision....its left me pretty annoyed now.
From a deep and intense social life to being caught in the realms of the cyber world im finding myself increasingly inclined towards the blog. The overall time spent with friends diminishes to nothingness and now look ive resorted to talking to myself. for who is going to bother to read this..?


revision tomorrow. i was primarily planning to wake up early, todays breakfast accompanied with bbc breakfast news felt somewhat professional, scenic and in a positive way cliched. i dont see myself waking up to repeat this mornings fortunes, seeing as i have decided to write some long stuff down on here..

ah yes another aspect of life which was previously just a thought, an outside consideration another persons loose ideas have today unconsciously become a part of me.settled within me.. im talking about choosing between your career and personal life, it comes a choice im having to make a little early, for its not possible to have both

coming from and indian family, conservative but modern the very aspects that made me proud are today are suppressing me in to a more tighter space where i feel there is little room to move. my parents have always wanted me to become a professional..but my overpowering sense of determination has lead to choosing a career which really does ask for alot more than it is allowed to. architecture my love, i called it my love, now it shall become my partner, as my friends gets boyfriends ...and even get married..and perhaps even have children ill be with architecture my first and only love. haha. im making this sound terrible. but i love it alot and anything for it. i feel like the architecture version of a nun or something...whats worse is that not only is the course lengthy but to really establish yourself in the profession you need a good deal of experience im talking about ten to fifteen years to become a senior or associate.
nevertheless i feel an infinite drive withing my even now as i am in a half sleep mode...i need a journal . i need to let this energy out, i keep getting design ideas. i keep seeing things. i need to draw before it bursts in side and poisons me..

i keep hearing cristiano. my AAG cristiano wanting to know his and anishas future in the novel...i need to let this out ..and let it be transformed into words.

i think i am going a little insane.perhaps its just the time of day

(white ivory, french rose,)rimmel london.art journal..zzzitswaypastmybedtime.